Coming Soon · To Amazon
Mid F@@K Life Crisis
I'm Not Having a Midlife Crisis.
I'm Having a F@@king Audit.
By S.R.
Nobody sends you a letter when midlife starts. One day you're young. The next, you're eating a biscuit over the sink, wondering whether the noise your knee just made was structural.
59 short chapters. One notebook. Four columns.
One Notebook. Four Columns.
One minute you're twenty-seven. The next, getting off the floor requires planning permission, a teenager has fixed your phone in four seconds, and you're seriously considering a campervan despite never previously expressing the slightest interest in owning one.
So S.R. starts an audit.
Keep
- Reading glasses
- Two-day hangovers
- Eric the Bee
- Mr Pickles
- Ringing the friend
Bin
- Self-checkouts
- Impossible passwords
- Some subscriptions
- Passive-income bollocks
- The drawer of dead technology
Repair
- Ageing parents
- Drifted friendships
- Things we should have said
- The life you actually want
Ask Mrs Eric
- Ownership of the back door
- Whether Eric is right
- The donkey situation
- Day-to-day donkey protocol
The hard pile isn't the bin. It's the repair.
And then there's the donkey
It has no name. Nobody knows why it's there. And every time you look, it's a little closer to the back door.
S.R. Isn't Conducting The Audit Alone
A cast who have all seen rather too much of this before.
Susan
Who has seen all this before. Which is either reassuring or the opposite, depending on the chapter.
Trevor Next Door
Has an opinion on everything. Especially roundabouts. Nobody has ever asked about roundabouts.
Eric The Bee & Mrs Eric
Eric knows everything. Mrs Eric knows whether Eric is right. Only one of them is ever consulted twice.
The Miniature Goat
Regards paperwork as a food group. Has eaten several things that were, strictly speaking, evidence.
Mr Pickles
The black-and-white stray cat. Arrived for dinner. Somehow now owns the house. Nobody remembers agreeing to this.
A Goldfish
BIG PLANS. SMALL BOWL. An entire mindset in four words, and the most quietly devastating line in the book.
Then Come The Traditional Midlife Solutions
All of which are covered. None of which are recommended.
- 🚐 A campervan
- 🎨 New hobbies
- 🏋️ Gym memberships
- 📹 A YouTube channel that lasts six days
And the increasingly worrying possibility of acquiring a donkey.
But Beneath The Absurdity…
This is also a book about the people who disappear. Parents getting older. Friendships we accidentally let drift. Things we should have said, and things we definitely shouldn't have said.
And the uncomfortable discovery that one day may finally need a date putting on it.
Funny, rude, warm and occasionally uncomfortably accurate, Mid F@@K Life Crisis isn't about desperately trying to become young again.
It's about wasting less time on crap, keeping the good bits, repairing what matters, ringing the friend you've been meaning to ring — and asking whether the life you've ended up with is still the life you actually want.
Perhaps a midlife crisis isn't a crisis at all.
It might just be maintenance.
Includes the completely unofficial Mid-F@@K-Life Crisis Assessment and audit pages you can fill in — or rest your mug on.
It's Not For You If…
- You want a serious, clinical treatment of the midlife transition
- You were hoping for a workbook with tick-boxes and a habit tracker
- You have recently acquired a campervan and would prefer not to discuss it
- You're uncomfortable with swearing, donkeys, or both
Still Here. Somehow.
The perfect gift for 40th, 50th and 60th birthdays — or for anyone who has looked in the mirror recently and thought: how the f@@k did we get here?
⏳ Coming Soon To Amazon
Not on sale yet — the paperback and Kindle editions are being finished off now, and this page will be updated the moment the listing goes live.
There are other books available now — a whole comedy universe featuring a King, a Donkey and a goat called Keith, one about accidentally building a panopticon, and one about growing mushrooms, which is a different shelf entirely.
Questions About The Book
What is Mid F@@K Life Crisis about?+
It's about the middle bit of life — the point where experience, irritation, regret, affection and common sense all turn up at the same meeting and nobody has prepared an agenda. One day you're twenty-seven; the next, getting off the floor requires planning permission and a teenager has fixed your phone in four seconds. S.R. starts an audit: one notebook, four columns — KEEP, BIN, REPAIR, ASK MRS ERIC — and works through the whole of a midlife, from reading glasses to funerals.
What are the four columns in the audit?+
KEEP, BIN, REPAIR and ASK MRS ERIC. KEEP is the stuff worth holding on to. BIN is self-checkouts, impossible passwords and the drawer of dead technology. REPAIR is the harder pile — ageing parents, drifted friendships, things you should have said. And ASK MRS ERIC covers everything nobody else can adjudicate, because Eric the Bee knows everything and Mrs Eric knows whether Eric is right.
How long is the book and how is it structured?+
59 short chapters, written to be read in the gaps of a normal day rather than in one sitting. Each one takes a single item from the audit — reading glasses, two-day hangovers, nights out that finish at 10:30, apps nobody asked for, younger bosses, family WhatsApp groups, school reunions — and puts it in a column. It also includes the completely unofficial Mid-F@@K-Life Crisis Assessment and audit pages, which you can fill in or rest your mug on.
Who is in it?+
Susan, who has seen all this before. Trevor next door, who has an opinion on everything — especially roundabouts. Eric the Bee, who knows everything, and Mrs Eric, who knows whether Eric is right. A miniature goat that regards paperwork as a food group. Mr Pickles, the black-and-white stray cat, who arrived for dinner and somehow owns the house. A goldfish with BIG PLANS and a SMALL BOWL. And the donkey, which has no name, has no explanation, and is a little closer to the back door every time you look.
Is it a funny book or a serious one?+
Both, and deliberately so. It's rude, warm and occasionally uncomfortably accurate — but underneath the absurdity there's a book about parents getting older, friendships you accidentally let drift, things you should have said and things you definitely shouldn't have, and the uncomfortable discovery that 'one day' may finally need a date putting on it. You'll laugh for fifty chapters and then one of them will get you.
Is this a book about trying to be young again?+
No — that's the point. It isn't about desperately trying to recapture your twenties, and there are no rented mansions or Lamborghinis in it. It's about wasting less time on crap, keeping the good bits, repairing what matters, ringing the friend you've been meaning to ring, and asking whether the life you've ended up with is still the life you actually want. The book's own conclusion is that a midlife crisis might not be a crisis at all — it might just be maintenance.
Who is it a good gift for?+
It's written for 40th, 50th and 60th birthdays, and for anyone who has looked in the mirror recently and thought: how the f@@k did we get here? It also works for the person who has recently bought a campervan, started a YouTube channel, or acquired a gym membership, and would prefer not to be asked about any of it.
Is it the same book as Am I Ready For This Shit?+
Yes — same book, same audit, same donkey. Mid F@@K Life Crisis: I'm Not Having a Midlife Crisis. I'm Having a F@@king Audit. is the full title; Am I Ready For This Shit? is the shorthand. If you've read one, you've read the other.
When can I buy it?+
Soon — not yet. The paperback and Kindle editions are being finished off and the Amazon listing isn't live, so there's no buy link on this page right now. When it goes live, this page will be updated and the buy buttons will appear at the top and bottom. In the meantime there are other books available, including a whole comedy universe featuring a King, a Donkey and a goat called Keith, one about accidentally building a panopticon, and one about growing mushrooms, which is a different shelf entirely.