⏳ Coming Soon · To Amazon
I Went To The Shop
For One Thing
A Memoir Of Failure, Aisles And Impulse
One man. One item on the list. Forty-five minutes and forty-five pounds later he is standing in his own kitchen unpacking a small tool he already owns two of, and the one thing he actually went for is still in the car.
57 Short Chapters Of Pure Nonsense
Every one of them recognisable, which is the worrying part.
- The list, and how quickly it was abandoned
- Aisle four, and the thing you did not come in for
- The middle aisle, and the small tool you now own two of
- An investigation into who actually buys the giant bag of rice
- The self-checkout and its opinion of you
- Meal deal mathematics: is it saving money if it was never on the list?
- The basket that becomes a trolley at precisely the moment it stops being justified
- A full breakdown of the forty-five pounds, itemised, painful
- The drive home, and the sixteen minutes of silence in which you consider your life
- Unpacking it all and finding the one thing you actually went for is still in the car
Also Inside
- The parking, and the eleven minutes spent looking for a space
- Why the shop has rearranged itself again, and who this is for
- A chapter on the word 'while I'm here', and its true cost
- The queue, the self-checkout, and the person who cannot work it
- Bags: how many, and why always one fewer than needed
- An honest look at the loyalty card and what it has done for you
- The recipe you bought four ingredients for and will never make
The Damage, Itemised
Forty-five pounds. Nothing on the list. One item in the car.
- Things on the liststill in the car1
- Things boughtnone of them that one11
- Middle-aisle purchasesone duplicate tool2
- Estimated saving on the meal dealit was not on the list£0.40
- Totaland the car needs fuelling£45.00
The one thing is still in the car. It has been there for three days.
Coming Soon To Amazon
The book is finished — the listing is being sorted out now, and this page will carry the buy buttons the moment it goes live.
In the meantime there are plenty of other books — including The World's Most Boring Book About Beans, What's The Point When There Is No Point?, and a whole comedy universe featuring a King, a Donkey and a goat called Keith.